January 8, 2011

Somebody said, "Life is shit, and then you die."  Whoever that was just doesn't know shit from shinola.

Dwaine and I have had our share of real shit.  But when I saw him this morning during our physical therapy session, kicking a soccer ball while standing on his own two feet (and using good form, I might add), I realized that even when you're swimming in manure, life is always a better option. 

Work started early this morning, with Dwaine getting up and dressed before I got to Spalding at 8:00 a.m.  He'd already had the regular nursing checks, medications for blood pressure and blood thinners and a Thorazine for his chronic hiccups.  He was busy eating his breakfast with the speech/cognitive therapist when I walked in.  She watched him eat a variety of textures, drink some fluids with different consistencies, and decided he was ready to try a regular diet again.  Good news!  He was sure getting tired of applesauce.

Soon after that we were introduced to our physical therapist, Vicky, who proceeded to lead us down to the Rehab Gym, a big room full of a huge variety of equipment, lit by skylights so that it's bright and very cheery.  She asked Dwaine if he liked any sports.  He told her he used to play soccer.  "Soccer, huh?"  She then proceeded to start rummaging around for various items - a ball, some orange cones, and some other items to create a "goal" of sorts.  She then had Dwaine stand by himself and had me roll the ball to him.  He had to kick it back through the goals.  He did this a few dozen times with nary a miss.  By the end, he was able to switch feet on the fly, depending on how the ball was coming at him (my aiming being a lot worse than his kicking.)

Then we moved to ping pong.  Vicky had Dwaine grasp a large ping-pong paddle in his left hand ("Just look at your hand and say, "Open!" - and by golly, he was able to do it!).  Then we batted the balloon back and forth for quite a while.  I was working up way more of a sweat than he was.  Sheesh.  I've always sucked at sports.

Then it was on to baseball (OK, am I sensing a theme here?), where Dwaine had to grasp a large plastic bat ("Open!") while whacking away at a cylindrical cushion suspended from a cable.  The trick was to get the cushion to swing and then whack it right when it got to its apex.  This is all with his left hand, mind you.  He slugged away at that until he just couldn't hold on to that bat anymore.  For a minute there, I definitely felt some inner aggression being pounded out on that poor cushion.  Therapeutic on multiple levels, perhaps?!

Then it was horseshoes.  The trick was to pick up the horseshoe, then place it on a numbered peg.  And there were a boatload of horseshoes.  But he did it all . . . until his poor little hand was just shaking with exertion.  Then Vicky walked us back to the room.  When we got there, we had one more task: Get in and out of the bathroom and do some business.  First, she trained me to work with him on walking.  Then I had Dwaine stand up, get to a walker (just for safety), get into the bathroom, sit down, get back up, and get back to bed again.  I am now a certified walker-helper!  LOL!  I wonder if I get a certificate? 

After that, we both needed a rest.  Tim Charney and Lynn and Jim Moran stopped by to chat for a while.  That was a lot of fun, with Dwaine being his bubbly self - witty, laughing and smiling, and joining in the fun.  Lunch arrived soon after (real food!  Beef Stroganoff with Green Beans!)  Then a visit from Judy and Jim Sylvester.  More stories, more laughing, more fun. 

As the day wore on though, Dwaine started to fade as his fatigue caught up with him.  On top of that, we'd decided to taper off the Thorazine to see if he really needed it for his hiccups.  Well, they returned with a vengeance, so the answer is "yes" at this point.  So, after another nice visit from Rich and Tim, and some dinner, I left to let him bed down for the night.  As I kissed him on the head, he said, "I love you so much honey."  I sat down and told him how we're both in this together, and that I will always be there to share this burden, for as long as it lasts.  I just know, though, that with his strength, he's going to be able to be home very soon, and that we can continue this work from a home base that's full of warmth, love, and the comfort of familiar things.  He just glowed.  I was so happy being able to share that moment with him . . . I'll never forget it as long as I live.

When you've orbited a star as bright as Dwaine - like I have for 15 years - you kinda get used to that white-hot light.  The thought of living without it is . . . well . . . unthinkable.  I can't even comprehend it.  Dwaine is the type of guy who doesn't just leave a hole, he leaves a black hole.   When he's not around, the light that emanates from him starts getting sucked backward until you're left in utter darkness.  And thankfully, though we may have to swim through a bit of manure for a while, that light is beginning to get brighter and brighter.  I just can't miss a minute of this. 

So, signing off for now.  Gotta finish the cupcakes for the nurses tomorrow.  Really, who doesn't like a good cupcake? 

Good Night and Sweet Dreams everyone - especially you, Dwaine.  I love you - always have.