Dear Friends,
Sometimes I do have to stop and wonder, Will this nightmare never end?
Dwaine is back at St. Joe's this evening with a false aneurysm in his leg at the site of the angiogram they did a week and a half ago. This is a condition where the wall of the artery develops a small "bubble" where blood flows in and out. It's not bleeding, but cycling through a place it shouldn't be going. He's not in any immediate danger right now, but is in a lot of pain from it. The doctors are going to do a procedure tomorrow where they inject a coagulant directly into the bubble to get it to clot and seal up the section of the artery wall. Once that's done, he'll be OK to go back to Spalding again.
The day started with great promise. Dwaine was doing exceptionally well - did a good 40 minutes of workout with his Occupational Therapist on specific muscle exercises for his left thumb. He proudly showed me how he could roll it around when I walked in the door to his room this morning. He was more chipper than I'd seen in a while. So we talked a bit about being able to go home for good in just a few days - all the signs were pointing to that. He's on regular food, he's walking very well, he's had training in bathing and moving about a room. And after yesterday's day pass where we got in and out of the car, into the house, into and out of bed and the bathroom - well surely he's ready to get out of that hospital, right?
But his leg hurt in his groin. He thought it was just a muscle strain, but I encouraged him to let the nurse check it closely to make sure. Self-diagnosis hasn't been our strong suit these days. So they did. And they called in the doctor right away. He then sent us straightaway to St. Joe's. That was about 1:00 p.m. I just pulled in the drive at 9:00. For a place called "Emergency", things really don't happen very quickly, I must say.
But he is in a very nice private room, and he was resting comfortably when I left. The procedure should take place tomorrow morning, but they didn't have a specific time yet. He's in room 538 at St. Joe's.
I wonder if I had a premonition about today' events in last night's dream. The thing I remember most was being so terribly ANGRY. It took my breath away. I just never get that way - I've never been an angry person. But I was just raging in this dream at some terribly obvious foul play that I can't quite remember. And today, I had a twinge of that anger as I looked at my Favorite Person in the World, lying in yet another hospital bed, waiting to be poked and prodded yet again. Here's a guy who has NEVER done anything mean or cruel to anyone as long as I've known him. Never. And suddenly his whole world is just turned upside down. But he took that in stride and worked his butt off to regain so much of his strength and mobility, only to be hammered again. The thing he was looking forward to the most? Making cookies in the hospital kitchen as part of his therapy. And you know - even that he could take, if someone would just stop shaking the globe for just an effing minute! Can't we let the snowflakes settle for once before some fresh hell rears it's head again?
But one thing I know - I will not let this keep me from being his advocate, protector, cheerleader, partner and friend. No way. It's up tomorrow and down to St. Joe's, being with him through this procedure, helping him get his head back in a good place, and getting him settled again back at Spalding. His biggest disappointment today was knowing that this was going to delay his progress in rehabilitation, so we're going to get back to it as soon as we can. And he's going to wind up making the best-tasting batch of cookies he's ever made. At least - if *I* have anything to say about it.
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